Hi peeps!
So last December I lost my Grandmother; however, in reality, I had lost her a long time ago to dementia. While I don’t want to go into too much personal detail, I do want to share something with you that was created during that time and the story around it.
I was continually warned that one day, she might forget my name. I was warned so many times that I started thinking “Yea, yea… and next time she’ll still remember me, like the last time you warned me.” I was wrong. Very wrong.
One time, I came to visit – she lived far away – her nurse asked her, like every day, “Do you remember her?” So far, my Oma has usually stayed quiet. Not this time. I don’t know how long it took her, but it felt instantaneous for me – from her empty look to my understanding what was happening to her head shaking a weak “No”.
I couldn’t stay there any longer than I socially had to. As soon as the door closed behind me, my head flushed with a hot sense of helplessness, and my eyes turned to waterfalls. I jogged up to my room, grabbed my mom’s old guitar and wrote the first line of a song. “It doesn’t matter if you know my name, I love you the same.”
The day I heard the news of her passing, I was with my mother, who got the call. I dropped my fork and jumped up from the table to get my Songwriting Booklet. I rifled through the pages to find those pages I wrote and showed them to her. That day, a challenge began to produce a song – on my own for the first time – within 2 weeks, while starting a new school, organising a 10-year anniversary, and somehow preparing for Christmas and loads of travelling.
The school I started are the accompanying courses to my apprenticeship. I begged to get into this specific school instead of the other newly opened one, so I could live with my grandmother and spend as much time as I could with her. It happened two days before my first day there. Instead of living in a place surrounded by memories and legacy, I arrived at my new home, greeted by an empty downstairs flat and a constant awareness that this wasn’t how it was supposed to be.
The two weeks before her funeral were brutal. Full days of work for school, the household and the song. But the work distracted me from the grief and from how much I wanted to be home with my family. But I had friends and my musical partner in crime, Maurice, by my side, the latter supporting me where he could with the producing process. Although we both knew that this was a project I had to do on my own.
I wish I could write a happy ending to this story, but I guess this is just the truth. My grandmother died, I felt miserable, and that’s what happened. But to end on a somewhat good note in all of this: I managed to finish the song in time, was a straight A student despite everything and am damn proud of the result!
Now: this is “Love you the same”. My family likes it!
I used to think that the things we did got old
Now I want every moment back
The water colours, the paper ships, the wire trees
Ich dachte immer, unsere gemeinsame Zeit wird langweilig
Jetzt will ich jeden Moment zurück
Die Wasserfarben, die Papierschiffchen, die Drahtbäumchen
It doesn’t matter if you know my name
I love you the same
Cause I remember every night, the story times, the hours gone by
Es ist egal, ob du meinen Namen noch kennst
Ich lieb dich genauso sehr
Denn ich erinnere mich an jeden Abend als du mir vorlast, an die Stunden, die vergingen
Someone told me I should brace myself
For today might not be far
Someone told me I should go and take
Every moment that we got
Man sagte mir, ich solle mich wappnen
Denn der heutige Tag sei nicht fern
Man sagte mir, ich solle jeden Augenblick nützen, der uns bleibt
The more I heard it the more I discarded the warning signs
But our garden was overgrowing with thorns and vines
Je öfter ich es hörte, desto weniger erschreckten mich die Warnungen
Doch unser Garten verschwand währenddessen unter Dornen und Ranken
It doesn’t matter if you know my name
I love you the same
Cause I remember the last times, the last advice, the last goodbye
Es ist egal, ob du meinen Namen noch kennst
Ich lieb dich genauso sehr
Denn ich erinnere mich an die letzten Male, den letzten Ratschlag, das letzte “Pfiat di!”
And this right here is the city of my childhood
Of holidays and getaways
This was a child’s arrogance
My humble Neverland
Dies hier ist die Stadt meiner Kindheit
Von Ferien und Auszeiten
Die Angeberei eines Kindes
Mein bescheidenes Nimmerland
And this right here is the city of my childhood
Of holidays and getaways
This was a child’s arrogance
My humble Neverland
Dies hier ist die Stadt meiner Kindheit
Von Ferien und Auszeiten
Die Angeberei eines Kindes
Mein bescheidenes Nimmerland
You used to walk through the garden, watch us play
Smiling away
And I remember watching TV
Universe, local shows, murder mysteries
Du bist immer durch den Garten geschlendert, sahst zu, wie wir spielten, lächeltest vor dich hin
Und ich erinnere mich ans Fernsehen
Universum, regionale Serien, Krimis
It doesn’t matter if you know my name
I love you the same
Cause I remember Christmas Day, the traditions you made
Es ist egal, ob du meinen Namen noch kennst
Ich lieb dich genauso sehr
Denn ich erinnere mich an Weihnachten, die Traditionen, die du schufst
I’ll love you everyday
Ich werd Dich immer lieben
Lots of Love
Your Angel ♡